Mixed feelings

I am almost a week into these two fitness challenges. Having some mixed feelings about them. I feel like I am pushing myself on the one hand but on the other it feels like I could be doing so much more. 

I need to chill out. My baby is 10 weeks old. I am nursing. I have four kids. I start work next week. I need $1300 worth of dental work in the next couple months. I had a root canal today (ouch). We just got all the medical bills from having #4. School started today. I feel super fat right now. 

I don't know when I have ever felt more self conscious at a work out class then I did tonight. I refuse to buy bigger shirts.  I have so many that I am 20lbs away from being okay wearing.  I am going to wear them as motivation to keep going. 

  I feel like my eating has been pretty good. I am drinking lots of water. Trying to get some decent sleep. I like looking at blogs and fit girls on Instagram to keep myself motivated.

* update.  I don't want to erase this post because its a little a couple days late but here is the latest. I lost 2lbs at the weigh in last night. Good but I feel like I could have been better. 

  I dropped out of the boot camp challenge. I just don't have it in me to eat strict Paleo right now. I also don't want to bring my two youngest boys to the classes with me. I know it would be a nightmare. Also I look at my workout time being me time. I feel bad for leaving that one but I am much less stressed now. Maybe in six months I will be ready to take it on.